So I just read over my last post and felt confronted by what I had shared.
Although it was therapeudic for me to get it off my chest at that time, as I read it again tonight I wanted to delete it. It's not easy for me to admit my weaknesses and my vulnerability and I want to pretend I never felt so distant from God.
But I know that that's what my reality is. I do have trials. I do struggle in my walk. I stumble, I fall flat on my face. And sometimes I feel so ashamed that I lay in the dirt for longer than I should. I make my situation worse, instead of just getting back up and pressing on. I get so caught up in the scum that it seems like I'll never get rid of it all. Never be able to get back to where I used to be. I sometimes (well, too often) think, this time I've really done it. There's no getting back up now.

But when I lift my head out of the dirt and look up, He's always there.

When I feel so worthless, so disgusting, so distant from God, He is there all along. Not just waiting patiently for me to come back, but wanting to wipe away all the dirt, soothe all the hurt, and comfort me just like an earthy father would for his child. But my Jesus is so much more than that. He does all that and more. So much more.

Once again, I don't have the words...I don't understand or even comprehend why or how. But He just does.

And though I can not understand His grace, I sure do appreciate it.

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Not only do I appreciate my Jesus, but I am SO thankful for His work in others, and His deliverance of others to encourage and strengthen me in my walk. I know that I am too weak to grow on my own just yet, so thankyou so so much for continuing to hold my hand and guide me in His way. I love you and value you so much and I know that Jesus is so proud of His children, His brothers and sisters, for helping one of His stray kids come back home again.

And though I can't promise I won't get lost in the big wide world out there again, there's no place else I'd rather be than safe in the arms of Love.