rainy morning blues

I woke up this morning feeling like I never have before.
I awoke to a feeling of sadness.
I felt lonely almost instantly. The second I opened my eyes it was as if I knew something was missing.
I craved a big warm hug or a smile from a loved one. I wanted to share those first few moments of a new day with someone. I just wanted to be held in someone's arms.

Sure, I've felt like this before, but not anywhere near the intensity of how I felt this morning. I could have cried. I almost did. I was close to tears, but nothing would come out. It was a strange and unfamiliar emotion. Emptiness, almost. Incomplete. I don't know what it was.

It was just a very lonely morning.

I lay there in an unfamiliar bed in someone elses home listening to the rain fall outside the drawn curtains. In the darkness of the room I lay there and wondered.

I wondered why I was feeling so lonely. I asked myself what had happened, what was the turning point, the reason for me feeling like that. I wondered whether my thinking of someone in particular the previous night before drifting off to sleep could have caused me to wake up feeling so alone. I questioned whether or not it was wrong of me to be craving that intimacy with someone.
It's not a sexual intimacy I desire though, it's the companionship. Just being able to share little things with someone close. I remember reading somewhere (probably someone elses blog) that "I want to be someone's someone". That's what I'd like too. To wake up and know someone is thinking of me, someone likes who I am, someone wants to be with me as much as I want to be with them.
But is wanting this making me feel so empty because I don't have it?

I don't know the answers to the questions. I have a bit of thinking to do. But sometimes I just feel like I can't understand myself, I can't work through my emotions without talking to someone about it all.
Maybe that's a weakness. Maybe I should learn to sort things out on my own. Maybe I'm not as strong as I sometimes believe I am.

Maybe all I need is a cuddle and a good, long cry.