what can I do...

I was just sitting here trying to find something to do to pass time. Been reading blogs, talking, listening to my new cd's... and then I feel this emptiness...or not so much emptiness, but a desire to be doing something that I can't actually DO right now. Not this very moment, not even in the near future, but it is so so strong within me.

As I was sitting here, I felt that gentle reminder from God to actually get things rolling, seek more information, do something.

You see, I have this huge, unexplainable desire to care for children. It's a natural instinct within me that a lot of my friends just don't get. Which is totally natural - many 21 year olds would rather be partying, dating, having fun than thinking about settling down and having children. Many of my friends are either studying or working, or both and have no time for themselves even, let alone a partner or children.
I'm often talking about how much I'd love to be a mum, which often stirs interesting 'conversation' and attempted 'convincing' by my friends that I don't. But I'm realising more and more that it's not necasarrily a desire to have my own children right now (for one...it's just not possible right now without a guy =p), but rather, it's a calling to serve children.

I am absolutely convinced that I am meant to care for the children of this world who have been abandoned, taken for granted, mistreated, and sadly - unloved.
I can not shake the image I have of holding a young infant in my arms and giving them what they have been starved of. Affection, love, care. Touch. I'm entirely convinced that God has this amazing plan for me that will see me doing just that. And that excites me, it strikes me in the deepest part of who I am, because I know it's getting closer. Everything makes sense now.
I've had this desire for so so long, and now I understand what it is. It's a God-thing.

I was always the one helping my mum feed my younger brothers, bath them, change their nappies. Nothing made me happier than to hold a little life within my arms and watch their little eyes sparkle.
To have a child hold your finger as they fall asleep within your arms is a feeling I can not put into words. It's incredible.

Oh how I long for that. I can't explain what I'm feeling. I just want to be holding a child right now. To whisper into their little lives the love of Jesus and the wonder of this world He made for us. To tell how precious, how loved they truly are and the limitless possibilities that exist for them. Would they hear. Would they know. I believe Jesus would let them.

I have this image of a little room full of babies, being sung over with lullabys of a Jesus who loves them. Being held in arms that whisper safety and love. A room with little children engrossed in stories of warriors and princesses, stories of them and who they can be. Rooms and rooms of children being given the opportunities they so rightfully deserve. The very basics of life - education, food and water, clothing, shelter, the everyday things of being a child - toys, games, dress-ups, a chance to develop an identity and have it nurtured. The things I so often take for granted.

I need to be doing more to see this happen. It's a vision I've been given for a reason far beyond myself and the desires within me. I believe that I have a responsibilty to see justice brought to the lives of these children. To give them what our world is robbing them of. To stand under a shadow of Heaven and say this is not good enough. Our children deserve more. They need more, and we will give it to them.
To stand before my Father and say "here I am Lord, use me".

I need to pray about this and talk to leaders within my church. I need to find out what needs to be done to get this happening.

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Thankyou Father God for reminding me of my calling. For strengthening the vision, for preparing my heart. Thankyou for providing people I can talk to about this. May I please be used to seeYour children be cared for with the kind of love only You can give. Thankyou for letting me be Your child, despite all I do to disappoint You, Father. Thankyou for Your plans and provision. May You always be my light, my guide, my everything.
Through Jesus name I pray. Amen