yet another blessing...

It's been a while since I last wrote. Though, truth be told I was sooo close to doing some serious venting here last night. I refrained myself from doing so though because it would have been waaay too emo.
So instead I took my question to mum and was blown away with her response.
I asked this; "Mum, do you ever feel like crying but you're not exactly sure why?"
I wasn't really asking to get an answer, I just wanted to know I'm okay I guess.

Mum's response both surprised and encouraged me. She said "yes....but I think that if you really think about it you'll know why you're upset"
That in itself isn't all that amazing but the conversation that flowed felt like hearing from God Himself.

That's what amazed me. There sat my mum. The one I've fought with for years, the one whom I never felt I could impress or do proud, yet last night she was my hero. She told me what I believe God has been trying to tell me but I haven't been hearing Him. Funny how you can't really hear from someone without engaging in that conversation,huh?.

So anyway. I had had a pretty emotional few days but didn't deal with it at all and by no surprise it all got overwhelming, hence the sadness and the question.
I guess there were a whole lot of little things just adding to the one big issue I'm currently being faced with. The dreaded "direction" dilemma. I hate not knowing where I'm meant to be, how it's all going to happen........blah de blah blah.

I had convinced myself that I would make the move to Melbourne next year to pursue my study in Youth Work. It was wishful thinking well and truly. And I think I knew all along it wouldn't happen but refused to believe it.

The night I shared with my youth leadership team (Sal & Mark) that I wasn't sure if I would be here (in Wingy) next year and thus not on the team, I believe is when everything changed.
Mark had tears in his eyes and said "I don't know where your heart is leading you, or your reasons for wanting to leave, but I believe your work here isn't done yet. I truly believe you have so much to do here, God has appointed you to Wingham for a reason Belinda and I honestly believe there's more He wants you to do. You can go to Melbourne if you so choose but I think there is something set aside especially for you here in Wingham that God wants you to do."
He went on to say more and I was feeling both encouraged and challenged and even more confused than before I had said anything, but it all became clearer when Mark asked "are you absolutely convinced God wants you to go to Melbourne, or is it perhaps something that you just want to do?"
I knew the answer but didn't want to admit it.
I'm not convinced I'm meant to go to Melbourne right now and the more I think about it the more I realise I was intending to run away from the challenges I face here.

We prayed together and Mark advised that in his opinion it wouldn't be a good move if I up and left without hearing a clear direction from God.
I broke down when he shared that he believes that if I obey what God wants from me - staying here and being part of the youth team and other youth ministries - that when my purpose here in Wingham is achieved I will hear my Father in Heaven whisper "well done good and faithful servant."
It was then that I realised that that is all I want. All I've ever wanted. Someone to be proud, someone to think I can do it, someone to believe in me. And I realised that I need to hear that from only one person for my life to have meaning.
And I realise that I am incapable of doing anything extraordinary when I rely on myself, but I can do absolutely anything when my God is in control.

That's what keeps me going. That's what brings me hope.

So I now can say that I believe I am in Wingham for a purpose far bigger than myself. I believe the remainder of this year and the coming year of 07 are going to be a time of strengthening and renewal and a time of great opportunity for this area and particularly the youth.
I'm believing for amazing things to happen as God reveals more of Himself and His plans for this land as I and the leadership team grow closer to Him and His people.

I don't doubt things will still get tough but I know it will all be worth it and I will look back on these days some time from now and see even more clearly the way God had His hand in all of it.

I'm just so thankful that my God is so patient and gracious. Hmm. He really is something!

~Bel xx