The sweetest gift...

So I've just walked in the door from a night out with my girls. (Well and Dan, to be fair he needs a mention.) But my goodness....what a blessed night it has been. I just want to record this for my own future reference but I hope it may be an encouragement to others aswell.

I have just had THE best night in a very long time. I truly feel that I was just given the best gift EVER!!
I just spent hours in real, transparent, healing conversation with my girls. Jess and Kate have definitely been used again to bring a blessing into my life.

Though at times I felt like I was reliving old conversations that perhaps didn't deserve the light of yet another day, I now realise it's purpose.

It's just short of a year since I met that someone who ultimately had a pretty significant effect on my year of 2006. Without going into too much detail (for reasons of it would take forever, and it's with God now anyway) can I just say that for too long the outcome or aftermath of the "almost relationship" was way too negative on me. I now relaise that for too long I kept reliving the what ifs and clinging to the hope of being with him. I did indeed become cynical about love (which by the way destroyed me....I never ever wanted to not believe in love and romance....that is one of the most essential parts of my being and I hated to lose it or at very least have it altered into a cynical view). I realised that I had believed the lie of "you're not worth it anyway, you'll never find any better". I realise that I wanted to believe it could all turn around in my favour. I realise that it wasn't ever meant to be.

I realise that tonight was the closing of a chapter of my life that had stolen too long than it ever deserved anyway.

I truly feel like I have been restored tonight. That Jesus interluded tonight after the conversation had died down to a whisper goodnight and an embrace of true true love and gave me the most amazing gift ever ever ever. I feel like I have my heart back....minus all the bitterness, less all the resentment and void of all doubt.
I feel beautiful.
I feel loved.
I feel .... I feel God with me =)

And He truly has a way of orchestrating the most amazing moments.
As I turned down the street and began my short journey home I cranked up the cd player and sung my little (restored) heart out to God to the sweet sound of the Lads singing "Ode To Joy". How very appropriate a way to finish the evening - in thanksgiving to God for just being Him!
But what really hit home was the next song which seemed just as appropriate and quite relevant to that moment.

As I sang "Goodbye To You" I just knew it was indeed a finalisation of that chapter. That yes indeed it did have it's point, it fulfilled it's purpose, but it does not need a continuation into my tomorrow. It's place belongs in my yesterdays. It's lesson had been learnt and may it be remebered.

And so I sing into the night...

V1 Oh no its you again
Hello my so-called friend
I hear you knocking at my door
I used to let you in
but you'd just smash me up again
Im not so stupid anymore

PC Im sick of this going nowhere
Every single day
I need to break this cycle
I need to break away

CH Good Bye to You
You've had your day
But now Im taking my life back again
Good Bye to you
I finally picked myself up off the floor
wont stay here anymore
Its time to fly so good good-bye to you

V2 You know you dont deserve
To own the second verse
I'm moving on to bigger things
I've got a new street address
miles away from this old mess
you can huff n puff but you cant come in

PC2 and now my senses have turned around
I've had enough
I was lost but thank God I'm found
I'm waking up

CH

BRIDGE
Help me God
I cant dodge
these bullets at my head
the life thats gone
still echoes on and on
but its fading to black
now that you got my back
got my past got my future ahead
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

....and what a sweet sound it is =)

love, Bel xx