No longer me, but You.

So here I sit... typing up my first post.

The music is playing through my pc and I find myself dreaming once again, of what could be.
So often I find myself lost in the depths of my mind, just pondering what life would be like if my circumstances were to change - even just a little.

Those circumstances being, a 20 year old woman, living in the same place I have called home for the past 15 years, with a mother, father and two younger brothers and previously an older brother who moved out a few years ago. A young woman currently studying "Community Welfare" at my local TAFE campus, who also works part time as a kitchen hand - a job I originally scored because my older brother put in a good word to his boss.
A young woman who knows little about the man I call my Saviour...my Jesus, yet I'm so consumed with a passion to serve Him faithfully.
A young woman who desperately craves to know what living on the edge is really like... to not know the fear of "but what if..."

You see, dreaming is the easy part of my journey... it only involves me and knows no limits. In my mind I can go anywhere, be anyone, do anything.

The daunting part comes when I'm challenged to actually put some action into the equation. Step out of my cosy little fantasy world and confront reality head on.

I desire to make a difference in the world, though I have so many excuses as to why I can't do it just yet...
why I need to wait just a little longer, until I have more direction, more knowledge, more plans as to how I can do this. However, I've come to the realisation that, what it really boils down to is... I don't have the balls to try.
There are so many "but what if's" that it seems too hard, too risky, too challenging to actually take on.

But I know I'm not going to create much of a stir if I let myself sit at home on the couch, watching life go by, reading stories about the everyday heroes who dared to take on the challenges life threw at them...did they back away saying "It's just too hard"..."but what if..."?
I think not.

But does that mean I'll stop dreaming? Oh hell no!!
What I will do though, is DREAM BIG....PRAY HARD!

And now, instead of finding the excuses so easily, I'll dig deeper and try to muster up the courage to allow myself to surrender my all.
To lay my entire self before Jesus and let Him hear the words..."here I am Lord, do with me what You will. Send me where You're needed...for I desire to represent You. On my own I'm hopeless, but with You in me, I can do anything. Have Your way Jesus....Your way."